I looked through the article about the Texan student who was punished from missing school too often. Her circumstances were beyond her control, but she pushed on. She is an honor student, and she understands her studies were important for her future. But her family situation has caused her to grow up quicker than most people her age. She started missing out on some school days because she works a full-time AND part-time job to support her family. Instead of giving her leniency, the judge decided to make an example of her. Fortunately many people don’t agree with his judgement.

I can strongly relate to the girl’s struggles. After my father left our house about more than a year ago, it has been tougher for my family to keep our head above the waters. Even before his departure, finances had been bad. Along with that pressure and other factors, my parents decided to split and lead separate lives. This leaves the four daughters they have together in an unstable environment.

People leave comments about the Texan student’s situation asking where are the parents? I too wonder that but I understand too well that sometimes the people we believe should take care of us cannot or do not. My mom is not a mom, and my dad is not a dad. At least not in the sense of their responsibilities to their children. But they are still my parents, however bleak the situation may seem.

But because my parents cannot take up the full responsibility of being parents, my sisters and I have seen and lived through the cracks of a broken home. Yet, instead of being passive observers, we take it upon ourselves to make the home better for us and the rest of the family by picking up the slack when we can. As the oldest, I have the most experience and insight into the adult world. My sisters who range from 8 to 17 years old rely on me a lot. Sometimes the pressure is frustrating.

Although I love my family, I want to live my own life. I love taking care of my sisters, but I am not their mother. I have yet open my wings and fly the coop. I feel like I have a string around my foot holding me back.

Currently my mom is in Asia taking care of business. My dad has been in Taiwan this past year finding himself I presume as well as trying to build a fortune. I’m at home trying to handle things before I leave for my internship in DC. But a lot of credit goes to Aiyee, our nanny who has been our main caretaker. She’s leaving within the summer, and she’ll be missed.

Will right more about this after finals madness.

It’s difficult to stop moving when you purposely give yourself the busy work. But when is it too much? Am I just running away from taking the time to figure out what I can’t fix? Is trying to move away from these issues really helping me?

I think my body is telling me no. I’ve been getting sick very often this year. Pushing what I can do and pushing aside what I don’t want to face. The problems are there, but I rather focus on the things I can solve. But it’s tough to balance physically and emotionally.

My constant movement from commuting doesn’t help my health either. I’ve been more lethargic compared to the past years. Maybe it comes with age, but it has taken it’s toll.

Some days are better than some, but most days I feel like I’m not like my usual self.